My apologies for being so quiet in the blogging world this month. My silence has been needed to gather my thoughts and to adjust the routines in my life to find myself a happier balance - things were just not working before.
I never feel a sense of accomplishment with anything I set out to do and this often wears me down. I feel constantly frustrated that nothing really seems to get finished. My sense of self worth gets deeply affected by this even though I try and ignore my negativity I struggle with feelings of failure. The truth is I spread my time too thinly and often unhealthily. I have been giving nothing the attention it really deserves and as a result the outcomes never feel good enough. I tell myself I will try harder but after a few good productive days the momentum drops once again replaced by exhaustion. Healthy meals do not get cooked, exercise never happens, I am snappy with the children and eventually depressed. I have been stuck in this rut for quite a while and it brings such negativity to my life.
A few weeks ago I finally acknowledged that things really needed to change. I sat and reflected on what really is important to me and committed myself to focusing on those things above everything else. I have shelved some ideas until a better time in the future and I have been minimising my time spent on other lesser priority tasks and interests. I decided my priorities for the rest of this year would be my children (who are growing up so quickly before my eyes), my artwork and our family home.
I have closed my shop for the time being and shifted my focus away from blogging. My posts from now on will be less frequent and may be a bit sporadic. I hope you understand. If you would like to make sure you do not miss any posts you can subscribe to my mailing list here.
Over the last few weeks I feel like a weight has lifted slightly - releasing a self imposed pressure from within. I feel that this re-focusing is a very positive step for me and one which I am glad I have finally taken.
So anyway, here I am early in the morning reflecting on the month just gone by, Bear asleep on my knee, coffee in hand.
This month I have been grateful for:
Staying at a friends with the children after we accidentally missed our train.
Trips to the riverside. Feeding the ducks. Bears excitement.
Morning cuddles with my sleepy Bear.
Fig's determination to stand, her healthy weight gain, her perfect smile.
Washing drying on the line.
Watching Bear and Fig interact and play together. Bear telling me "Squeezle is my best friend."
Planting seeds ready for our garden.
Chilly building raised beds and spending his time decorating our house. Room by room it is becoming our home.
Friendly conductors on the train helping me with the heavy pushchair.
Baby wearing moments.
Finding the local breastfeeding group. It is relaxing and full of friendly people.
My new sketchbook travel box. I have packed a little box for my bag filled with a small selection of art materials so I can sit and draw out of the house. It is great for the moments both children fall asleep in the pushchair.
Bears creativity and enthusiasm. His contributions to my paintings (I have been letting him paint directly on my work which he loves).
Hot chocolates tasting good and keeping me warm.
Sunny days playing in the garden. Trips to the park.
Discovering a short cut to the other side of town through a local park. It cuts 20 minutes off of the journey time.
For my new doctor taking some long standing concerns seriously and offering me care and support.
My goals for the month ahead -
Find time each day to reconnect, play and create with my children without distraction.
To paint or draw once a day even if I only have the time for a 10 minute sketchbook scribble.
This month I have loved -
Home Is Where The Hart Is on Instagram.
These beautiful photographs be Polly Penrose.